Urban Lindsay's Weblog

Phoenix Lindsay

So as some of you know, the last twelve months in my life have been full of turmoil.  Everything has been in a state of upheaval as I grapple with the obstacles and changes I’ve been faced with: a bitter lawsuit, near-bankruptcy and business failure, the decay of formerly strong relationships, the loss of my career, the opportunity to go to law and business school, the expansion of our company, an upcoming move, a breakup and a Caesar-esque betrayal by some of the “friends” I thought were those whom I could trust most.

These periods of disturbance aren’t unheard of in my life.  Like the Phoenix, every few years my life begins to swirl in anticipation of major change.  At first the change is slow and the obstacles incremental, but gradually they begin to increase in intensity and frequency.  When I enter these periods I unconsciously begin to switch to hibernation mode – building the nest that will become my pyre.  Then, suddenly and all at once, this pensive period of contraction is followed by a short burst of complete destruction where everything I relied on falls apart.  The terms by which I had defined my life are consumed and annihilated in the process.  Inevitably, this phase is accompanied by a sense of darkness, despair, defeat, hurt and anger; these feelings converge and temporarily paralyze my senses.  Then, just as I begin to think that the destruction of my so-called life will in fact destroy me,  I suddenly find myself wiping off the tears and picking myself up to start over again.  I am reborn from the ashes – reinvented, reinvigorated and more determined than ever.

It is one of these periods of self-annihilation from which I am now just beginning to emerge.

This is certainly not the first, nor the last of such rebirths in my life.  My first took place at 18 when I went from a straight-A student in my private school, with college acceptance letters at Georgetown and Dartmouth, to a drop-out who was kicked out of my parents’ homes and had my college offers rescinded.  From what I thought was the bottom I picked myself up, dusted myself off and got back in the saddle.  I ended up with a GED, and ultimately, a double-degree in Asian Studies and Japanese Literature with a minor in Political Science, from the University of Washington – graduating with honors.

The second occurred when I went through a divorce at 24.  Single for the first time in six years, with no money, and having lost some friends in the “settlement”, I started a business and discovered a new life.

The third was at 26.  Having sold my business in Seattle, my then-boyfriend and I moved to Boise – a city where we knew no one.  In our naivety of the impending market crash, we bought a house at the peak of the bubble to “settle down in” and run his business from.  Until . . . we broke up two weeks later.  With no job, a degree and employment history that were useless in Idaho, no money, a mortgage payment to make and no friends, I managed to create what is now the Urban Agent Team, build a fulfilling life and meet some of the most influential and closest friends I’ve ever known.

And now, here I am again.  Facing major changes in my life and setbacks that would have crippled many, I have yet again determined to reinvent myself and begin anew.  Where this path leads has thus far been only partially revealed, but full of hope for the future and determination to succeed, like the Phoenix, I too will rise from the ashes.  Painful lessons have been learned and I’m a stronger person for having survived.  I am confident.  I have no fear.  My resolve is firm – I WILL conquer this next chapter of my life.  I am unstoppable because I am Phoenix Lindsay.

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